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When the couple lives together, conflicts are inevitable. But how quarrels affect your relationship – destroy them or help to reach a new level? The answer depends on how the couple behaves after a quarrel.

We know men and women who often and vigorously quarrel, and then seem to fall in love with each other in a new. We are familiar with pairs that constantly wage the Cold War: they do not directly attack each other. However, the disagreements between them are accumulating, and the problems remain unresolved.

But is there a perfect way to experience conflict? The answer to this question was tried to find psychologists of Texas University in Dallas. To begin with, they found out how people behave after a skirmish with their loved ones. They asked 115 pairs for some time to fix information about the disagreement, as well as describe their behavior after the conflict. Scientists have found that the answers obtained can be divided into 4 groups.

Conflicting couples fight the consequences of their behavior with the help of the following strategies:

Aviation. The opportunity to provide the partner with time and space so that he can calm down. This category also includes a refusal to communicate with the spouse, ignoring.

Active recovery. Any actions that lead to the «repair» of attachment between partners. Active recovery includes apologies, requests for forgiveness, attempts to come to an agreement and manifestations of tenderness – hugs, kisses, organization of dates and sex.

Finding a new look. This category includes any behavior in which we strive to understand the point of view of the partner. It is about applying for advice to friends, and about meditative practices, and thoughts. The opportunity to look at what happened from the outside often makes us strive for a compromise with a partner.

Release. Some conflicts simply do not stand at all. And partners decide to simply forget about them for the sake of relations. Moreover, they may not agree with each other – just take into account that a loved one has his own opinion.

Based on these data, psychologists made a list of 18 types of post -conflict behavior (it included different combinations of the methods described above). These models helped them evaluate how successfully each of the strategies helps to cope with disagreements.

For the second part of the study, the team found 226 pairs living together. Within two weeks, volunteers recorded information about their quarrels and what methods they used to make peace. The respondents also talked about their mood and whether they were satisfied with the relationship.

After that, all the participants in the study came to the laboratory, where they were offered to discuss two controversial issues, while https://lucidkustoms.com/le-sexe-a-travers-je-ne-veux-pas-ne-confond-pas/ each of the partners chose one at a time. So psychologists were able to watch the live to the respondents by contradictions. Thus, they had the opportunity to rely not only on the reports of the participants, but also on their real behavior.

Psychologists have discovered that in the laboratory conditions the couple did not behave at all as described earlier in the reports. However, the researchers are sure: the behavior that people demonstrate, just quarreling, differs from their «peacekeeping» actions in a couple of hours or a day later. Because keeping clarity of thought in the midst of a quarrel is extremely difficult! But later we understand what to do in order to preserve the world in the family.